In My Life II

I Love You Boo

2012-02-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

A few years back (almost 3!!), my friend Vanessa and I went to NYC together. She decided to go with me to see Paul McCartney & Co at Citi Field.

Yeah...that was an experience for her. Me in full blown Macca Mode. It's not really a pretty sight. LOL

Anyway, while we were in NYC, we decided to visit the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Annex and check out the Lennon exhibit that Yoko put together. The entire thing was awesome--and it made me want to visit the main RRHOF in Cleveland, OH. Yep...a reason to visit OH, WOO! :)

The exhibit itself really moved me. Though I've been a Beatles/McCartney fan pretty much all of my life, I don't really know much about John Lennon outside of his music and his activism. So, to be able to see things of his that up close was pretty amazing to me. Actually, amazing isn't really the word. It was altering. Yeah, that's a good word. Altering.

Seeing the bag full of the bloody clothes he had on the night he was murdered really just...I don't know...changed me, humbled me, altered me. I wrote in my journal at the time--and I'll paraphrase--that it didn't matter who you were in life: a king, a queen, a secretary, a janitor or even a Beatle, the bottom line is that we all end up the same way. We're all one. In the end, no one is above anyone else. It affected me profoundly on deep levels. I can't even begin to explain what the psychic side of me was like.

I've been having dreams lately about my childhood home (which I'm sure I'll blog about as soon as I figure out the reason I'm having them lol), and a couple of weeks ago I had a doozy.

I used to hang out in the basement of my house when I was a kid, and there was this back room that I just claimed as like my second bedroom. It was actually situated right beneath my actual bedroom upstairs. In this room there was a closet--a closet that I was never, ever allowed to open because it contained my stepfather's old army uniforms and coats and he didn't want them to be messed around with. In my dream, there I was back in that basement room, listening to old records and staring at the pictures on the wall. I was an adult in my dream, not a child, and I looked at the closet. I thought "Shoot, I'm a grown woman, I'm gonna open that closet!" I did, and on the bottom of the closet was a picture of John Lennon. And one of his famous "Beatle Suits" hung there.

Now, I thought it was just wishful thinking. lol And, I really just assigned this dream a piece number as I figured it would somehow fit into the larger puzzle piece as to why I'm dreaming about my old house in the first place. Then a couple of days ago, I was cleaning--yeah, I know, weird to say because I hate to clean, but I was--and I found a bag full of posters. Most of them were Beatles posters that once hung on one of my walls in some place where I resided. But, there was one that was all wrapped up in brown paper and I didn't know what it was.

I decided to go ahead and open it up, and I immediately realized where it was from. I'd forgotten that I bought a poster at the RRHOF Annex. I never bothered to open it because I'd wanted to keep it in pristine condition. It wasn't so much because it was a poster that had John Lennon on it, but it was a reminder of the lessons I learned that day and that weekend. The poster looks like the pic off to the right........ -->

I went ahead and completely unrolled it and just sat there for a few minutes, thinking about that day--actually, that entire weekend for me was pretty huge, and it wasn't just because I went to see Paul. Actually, Paul was just icing on a very large spiritual cake. ;o)

I pulled the brown paper off completely and something fell out onto the floor. I was like, "what the--?" and I picked it up. I started to cry just as soon as I looked at it. I had no idea it was there, I'd never unwrapped the poster before. But, check this out:

Now, I realize that this was probably some kid that worked at the Annex who wrote this little note before wrapping up the poster. But, stop to think about this for a second...think about the synchronicity (as John Holland says lol).
1. It was Valentine's Day a couple of days ago.
2. It was rolled up with a poster of John Lennon.
3. There was a picture of Lennon and a suit hanging in that closet in my dream.

Do I think that was a message from the man himself? Eh, I don't know. Maybe.

I think it's more like the Universe saying, "Hey Boo, I love yah. Just thought I'd remind you in a really frickin' kick-ass way. Oh, and by the way, remember those lessons you learned about a couple of years ago....yeah, keep 'em in mind; they're gonna be comin' around again. ;o) Kisses! Peace out!"

Yes, the Universe says "Peace Out" to me. What? You mean it doesn't say that to you? :)

If the major lesson that I learned from my RRHOF Annex experience was that we're all human, we all come from One, and it doesn't matter who we are as long as we learn and grow and walk our paths--then WOO rock on! I got that one :) Now I just have to figure out how that lesson ties into the basement in my house. Hmm....

I love it when things like this happen. Keeps me on my toes. :)

I love you, Boo. Muah! xo

OH, PS: I found this pic while I was writing this entry and had to post it. I heart it muchly.

RMS Titanic: Part 1

2012-01-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

As we are quickly approaching the 100th anniversary of Titanic's maiden (and final) voyage, I thought that I would blog about her periodically.

So many things are happening to commemmorate Titanic that it's enough to make the mind swirl.

At least, it makes my mind swirl.

I've been a student of the ship since I was about 9 1/2 years old. I didn't remember until recently exactly why, but here it is: when I was in grade school, I checked out a YA fiction book whose cover caught my eye. I don't remember the title, but the main character of the book was a young girl who, whenever she touched something, would be automatically transported to wherever that item originated from. She happened across an old wool blanket that, when she touched it, instantly transported her onto Titanic--during its sinking. "What is Titanic?" I thought, and I went to the card catalog (remember those?? lol) to see if there were any books about this Titanic ship.

I checked every single one of them out of the library.

As it turned out, Mom was also fascinated with the ship and helped me learn more about Titanic. The very first speech I gave in Speech class was about the ship. I pretty much told the history of the ship as I read it out of Encyclopedia Brittanica. Mom's a pretty good artist, so she drew a diagram of Titanic before the wreck, and after the wreck--complete with the 300 foot gash in the bow. Until the wreckage was discovered, it was believed that the ship sank because the iceberg tore a 300 ft hole in her side. Dr. Robert Ballard & his team discovered the wreckage on September 1, 1985--I was almost 12. (OMG, did I just date myself??? lol) I hope someday to be able to shake Dr. Ballard's hand because the discovery of the wreck opened up an enormous amount of data and research that otherwise would have remained buried on the bottom of the Atlantic.

Since then, I've given several other lectures (in high school and college) about Titanic, visited several exhibitions, visited Titanic Pigeon Forge, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. I've yet to visit the Titanic Historical Society/Museum here in MA, but that's on my MUST DO list. I'd also like to pay my respects in Southampton and Nova Scotia--and eventually visit Belfast and Liverpool (hey, you know, it did say LIVERPOOL on the back of the ship. Really. See: http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/)

Anyway, my Titanic collection is only second to my Beatles collection. So, I thought I'd share a few things from it. For now (until I pull a few other things together lol), here are a couple of photos:

Went to this exhibition in NYC in 2009. Utterly life-altering experience (one about which I'll blog at a later time ;o) )

Natural Born

2012-01-06T08:16:00.000-08:00

I just felt the need to blog about something pretty important to me. I find that when I get sad, angry, upset--even happy--writing helps me work through the emotions and release them, if necessary. I started my day off in such a tremendously happy mood, and I'm trying to recapture it.

<----See this picture to the left? It's a rendition of Archangel Gabriel that i found on http://www.devinemiracles.com/How-To-Meet-Angels.html. It's the closest rendition I've seen yet to how I see Gabriel when I connect with him. Most people will tell you that they experience Gabriel as a female energy, but I do not. He's a fantastically gorgeous male energy who makes me happy and fills my heart with joy. I just wanted to share. :) Also...I mean, seriously...who could be in a low or bad mood after just looking at his image? Gorgeousness, love and light...seriously. :) Oh, and all those hands at the bottom of the portrait? Yep...mine. I reach out to him constantly. :) lol

I called on Gabriel to help me out yesterday--big time. I am in the middle of applying to a program through which I would be tested and registered as a certified medium. (I love love love certificates!! lol) I sent in my application and made it on to Step Two: interview. And, I was...well, ok, I admit it, I was nervous. For someone who spent decades denying this gift, it's still taking me time to get used to talking about it with other people ;o) Time came, and I plugged in and turned the volume up.

Oh...wait...I should explain that last sentence. Once upon a time, I was constantly on--we're talking like 24/7--people from both the Earth and the Spirit planes would come to me at all hours, asking me to make connections, waking me up, etc. I was a total zombie, I hardly slept. Through a lot of trial and error, Roman (my main spirit guide) and I devised what I affectionately call my "Mute" button. Truth is, I'm never really able to be OFF where I can't hear or see Spirit. However, I have learned to turn down the volume and energy.

I remember seeing a radio similar to this one in my Grandparents' home when I was a kid. So, I now have a Spiritual Radio like this one

<--- that gets unplugged and turned way down. Instead of music stations, my Radio has Spirit Frequencies. (Like Gran is like 900 on the dial lol) Every medium has their own process, of course, and their own way of doing things...but, my radio dial is fairly simple. Roman is the lowest setting, followed by my other guides, loved ones, angels, etc. When the radio is all the way over, I'm completely open and anything can happen--anything from communication with the Ascended Masters, to Trance, to...stuff I haven't even tried yet. lol

So, getting back to yesterday, I plugged my Spiritual Radio in and turned the dial to "Archangel Gabriel." (Yes, he has a preset frequency on this radio!!) I asked him to help me with the interview.

I was asked all sorts of questions about being a medium; which I think I answered pretty well, given the fact that I had lots of help (Gabriel rocks!!). But, there was one question I didn't know how to answer:

"What kind of medium are you?"

Huh? Wha? Do you mean Clairvoyant? Clairaudient?

"Natural-Born. Mental. Physical. Trance."

Oh holy crap! I didn't know what that meant. Yes, I do mostly mental mediumship (which, as I learned, means the communication occurs in the medium's mind), and have done trance mediumship (which is where spirit speaks through the medium). I've witnessed Physicial mediumship. But...how do I define myself?

Earlier in the interview, I was asked when I first became aware of spirit and when I first was able to communicate with them. Answer: I was a toddler, according to my Mom. My own memory really only goes back to when I was about 7 years old, but Mom has stories about me from the time I was about 2 1/2.

"Oh, so that makes you a natural-born medium, then." I was told...and my jaw just dropped. (Not really a wise thing to happen during an interview lol)
Wha??? No one had ever said that to me before.
"Yes, when a person experiences spirit from such a young age--as you have--they're usually considered a natural-born medium."

Seriously?! WOOO!

"Does that register with you? Does it resonate?"

Does it ever! OMG it made so much sense to me that I had to hold back tears! Really? Me? Wow...how awesome is that? Learn something new everyday :)

I was so excited when the interview was over. Yes, I was excited because I had such a good feeling about my chances of getting into the program. But, I was also excited about this "natural-born" thing. It made me feel so...oh, I don't know...good about myself. A lot of times, especially early-on in my current spiritual path, I questioned every single experience, every thing spirit gave me to say, every word, every lesson, every single thing. Suddenly, yesterday, it all made sense. I no longer need to question my abilities, myself or those who're along for the ride with me from the Higher Plane. It's natural. It's God-given. It is supposed to be. I am a naturally-born medium.

Holy friggin crap! :)

I'm sure that all my folks on the Higher Plane are all like, "WOO HOO! It's about time you realized that, Kiddo!" lol

I think it's time for a party...or at the very least, cake. LOL :)

There will always be people who won't agree with me; people Spirit will use to test me and help remind me of the lessons I've learned--or help me learn new ones. And, that's ok. I think I am finally at peace and oneness with myself and my abilities. Hearing those simple, little words "natural born" just really gave me an entirely new perspective. I dig it.

Thanks, Gabriel. I don't think it would've really hit me as hard as it did if you weren't there to help me see it. I love you. <3

"Safe to navigate."

2011-11-30T07:35:00.000-08:00

Today is the 176th Birthday of Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain.

I'm inclined to write a little about him today, thanks to the "doodle" on the home page at Google.com. Yep...here we go...strolling down memory lane. lol My mind is absolutely flooded with memories this morning.

I posted on my Twitter this morning that Mark Twain is one of my inspirations. In fact, he has been since I was in sixth grade. That was the first time I ever read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. It was assigned to us by our English teacher. Seventh graders got to read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

I remember asking a ton of questions about the language used to describe people in the book.  My teacher explained to me the time period in which these books were written, and when that didn't satisfy me, she said to me, "When you're reading, if you find a word you do not like or agree with, replace it in your mind with one that you do agree with."

I still do that. lol

I would get to school early sometimes (and often times have to stay late), and I would just read Tom Sawyer. I was always well ahead of the others in my particular English class. If we were discussing Chapter 2, I had already read ahead to at least Chapter 6 (for example). I would sit in my little wooden desk and just read--even sometimes reading thru class and missing the lecture entirely. Oh well, it was more fun to lose myself in the story--somewhere on the Mississippi River. :)

Not only did we read and discuss Tom Sawyer (and also eventually Huckleberry Finn) chapter by chapter, but we also learned about Mr. Twain himself. (This actually sparked my attention enough to pay attention in class. lol) I remember being utterly fascinated by the fact that Mark Twain was not actually the author's real name. It's a nautical term meaning "two fathoms" or "twelve feet." And, as my teacher explained, the river had to be at least twelve feet in order for the boat to be able to be driven down the river. From the official Twain website:
At 17, he left Hannibal behind for a printer's job in St. Louis. While in St. Louis, Clemens became a river pilot's apprentice. He became a licensed river pilot in 1858. Clemens' pseudonym, Mark Twain, comes from his days as a river pilot. It is a river term which means two fathoms or 12-feet when the depth of water for a boat is being sounded. "Mark twain" means that is safe to navigate.

I'd heard of actors and musicians (most notably Ringo Starr, since, by this point in my life I was already a Beatles' fan lol) having "stage names" before. But, I never realized that an author can have a pen name. So, after learning about Mark Twain, I tried out all different kinds of pen names for myself. (Did ya'all know that I've been writing stories since I was about 8 years old???)

Why? Well, I wasn't a fan of the name that my Grandma gave me when I was born. It was a constant source of torture for me in school. I never felt like my name suited me or belonged to me, mostly because I associated it with a lot of pain. So, I would go in search of play names, or nicknames to call myself--often adopting the surnames of whomever I happened to like at the time. I think there were two that I used the longest--and my cousin Jennifer can attest to these because I actually named our favorite Barbie dolls these names--Janine Jackson and Renee Schroder-Cameron.

I'm a child of the 80's, so it's not really that hard to figure out where the surnames came from. But, just in case you need a little help, here are some big clues: Thriller, Silver Spoons & Growing Pains.  LOL

There were other names, but those were the two that stuck around the longest...well after play time with Barbie was over. I would sit and write short stories about these names--which eventually became full-blown characters with their own story lines, instead of my pen-name.

I found my Mark Twain when I was in high school. Ironically enough, I'd just re-read Tom Sawyer when it came to me: KJ Hamilton.   Everything I've written since high school--with the exception of the story that The Boston Globe published in their Lola magazine--has been written under the name KJ Hamilton.

Not quite as awesome as naming oneself after a nautical term that means "safe to navigate," but still inspired nonetheless. My penname reminds me of where I came from, and I carry those pieces of my past with me every single day. It's noteworthy that my birthname doesn't really bother me anymore. I've released all of the negativity that I once associated with it. Still, I keep my Mark Twain. Took me a long time to find it, I'm not about to let it go ;o)

Ok, so it might be weird that the first thing that Mark Twain inspires in me is a desire to change my name...but, it was a very freeing thing for a young girl who needed a way to express herself. Learning about Mark Twain, reading his works, helped me to understand that there is a special kind of freedom that comes from writing and using one's imagination. I will never forget my teacher's words when I asked her, "Well, why 'Mark Twain'? "
(Yes, I pestered this poor woman a lot before and after class lol)
"Well, why not? It meant something to him. That's all that matters."

:)

Daily OM & Gratefulness

2011-11-22T06:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.dailyom.com/

I was introduced to this website by a friend of mine a couple of years ago. I love it. I truly enjoy their inspirational messages.
I also love the little reminders from Spirit. Today's reminder isn't really so little, though. On the way into work this morning, I thought about where I was on my path this time last year, the year before, and then I thought about where I was this time back in 2006; when all of this started for me. I began to think about everything I learned, how afraid I was, how angry I was ("why me?" was my catch phrase), and I had to laugh. Good Lord. I don't even think I know how to describe who I was then; miles and miles away from where I am now. I started to think about everything I've learned, everyone I've met--on several different planes, not just the Earth plane--and I was pretty speechless; which is a hard thing to do when we're talking about Spirit. I usually go on and on and find it hard to shut up. lol

Last night, a pretty huge piece of validation came down my way and I fell asleep grateful for it and everything I have experienced thus far. I even found myself thankful for the not-so-awesome things, too, which is something I don't think I've ever been before. Could it be that I'm just being grateful because it's 2 days before Thanksgiving? Perhaps. lol But, I truly think that the constant show of support and love I receive from those on the Higher Plane--via signs and incredibly awesome validation--just plain makes me feel grateful.

And then, this morning, I got the daily inspirational message from Daily OM. I'm just going to paste it here.

November 22, 2011

Perceiving the Infinite
Using Your Psychic Gifts

People often have difficulty accepting that they have been blessed with psychic abilities.

Psychic experiences are a natural part of our everyday lives. People often have difficulty accepting that they have been blessed with psychic abilities because without a frame of reference it is almost impossible to identify an extrasensory experience and to distinguish psychic sights, sounds, and sensations from the projects of the unconscious mind. To some extent, every human being on the planet is clairvoyant, clairaudient, and clairsentient, although most people discover that they are naturally adept at one more than the others. When you trust in and take steps to hone your innate clairvoyance, clairaudience, and clairsentience, you will enter a new realm of being in which the universe, your higher self, and your spirit guides lovingly conduct you toward a more aware existence.

Clairvoyance, or clear seeing, is the ability to see with the mind's eye. An individual who has honed their clairvoyant abilities may be able to see in their mind's eye events in a remote location; to witness incidents that have yet to occur; or to perceive shapes, colors, and other images that are physically invisible. Clairaudience, which means clear listening, is the ability to hear sounds not physically audible. A person with the gift of clairaudience perceives psychic information as auditory resonance and may hear angelic voices, music, or other sounds. A clairsentient, or clear feeling, individual is able to sense physical, emotional, and spiritual energy in the form of seemingly unearthly scents, touches, and movements. Each of these psychic abilities can manifest themselves within us voluntarily or involuntarily. It is natural for us to have these abilities; we need only practice.

Developing your psychic talents is a matter of releasing your fear of seeing, hearing, or feeling inexplicable or disquieting stimulus. Before you attempt to consciously tap into your gifts, ground yourself to anchor your mind in the present to disconnect from any involuntary psychic experiences you may be having. Concentrate on your intuitive responses to the world around you and notice any sights, sounds, or feelings that enter your mind. If you trust your perceptions, you'll discover that each psychic impression you receive will be in some way relevant to your experience—even when that relevance may not be immediately recognizable.

It never hurts to be reminded of where you've been, where you've come from and what you've learned. I took this as a sign, especially this line: Developing your psychic talents is a matter of releasing your fear of seeing, hearing, or feeling inexplicable or disquieting stimulus. and this line: When you trust in and take steps to hone your innate clairvoyance, clairaudience, and clairsentience, you will enter a new realm of being in which the universe, your higher self, and your spirit guides lovingly conduct you toward a more aware existence. It took a very long time for me to release the fear and anger, in order to be able to move forward and learn. And, yeah, I still have a long way to go on my path. But, I am grateful for everything I've experienced thus far--good, bad, ugly, indifferent, awesome, sucky,--doesn't matter. I needed all of it in order to get to this point. And, I am grateful to those people--both here and on the Higher Plane--who have helped me along. And, I am grateful for these reminders. It's never a bad thing to go back and learn--or re-learn--anything. Everyone, every teacher, has a different perspective; and it's good to see things from that new way of thinking.

I'm also grateful for Daily OM. I'm excited that places/websites such as this exist because they help perpetuate the learning and giving and receiving that should be associated with a spiritual path. :)

Happy Birthday

2011-11-12T15:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Gran:

All day long today I thought your birthday is tomorrow. I know, dumb, right? I just realized that I was wrong and I thought I'd better make my usual post to you.

I knew you were around today.   We stopped at the Christmas Tree Shop today and I went nuts when I saw various Pfaltzgraff pieces like this:
Winterberry   for $1.69 and up per piece. I found a beautiful Christmas tree shaped serving bowl, and some other pieces I liked as well...so..........I got them.   I bought Christmas Pfaltzgraff. I know you had your Tea Rose, but I also could hear your voice saying, "Now, I like this."

I picked up a few things, and then, one "random" act just really about sent me over the edge. While standing in line, I began to do my usual "do I really need this? maybe I shouldn't spend the money." thing I do whenever I'm buying something that totals more than $15. I'm frugal, can't help it. I was just about to put the Winterberry back, when this guy walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper.
"Here, my wife printed a shit load of these."
It was a coupon for 20% off my entire purchase.

WOOOO!

I thought that was pretty amazing...and proof that you were right there with me, shopping and celebrating on your birthday. Did you have as much fun as I did?? :)

Twice a year--in November and March--I'm reminded of the powerful impact you continue to have on my life. Ok, so I think about it everyday, but the strong reminders usually come in the Spring and Fall.You have taken care of me from the moment I entered this world--and you haven't stopped. I am honored to call you my Grandma. I hope you know that. I miss you every day and I know you're always there and you're constantly watching over me. I love those days--like today--when it's more obvious than other days. ;)

As my gift to you, Gran, I have adopted your holiday cheer and Christmas spirit. I hope you know how much I love you. I will continue to keep your light shining bright.

Love,
Your First Granddaughter.

New Beginnings

2011-10-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, it's been awhile since my last blog post. I have a good reason though............ I've been writing like a madwoman. :)

Seriously. I've suddenly been so deeply inspired that all I want to do is write...so this is a good thing.

You'll also notice that a few things have changed. I've updated the name of my blog. And, a website update is forthcoming (yeah, again. lol)

I just feel a sense of renewal today and I felt like expressing it. :)

Flowers in the Dirt

2011-08-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

I'm often surprised by how things seem to come full circle. And, I'm even further surprised at the Universe's sense of humor. lol
It's no secret that I'm a Paul McCartney fan...duh. Just look at my past few entries for more on that. lol But, this morning, the Universe gave me one of those"full circle" moments, and I thought I'd share.
Flowers in the Dirt came out when I was a teenager. It was one of the reasons why, after so many years, Paul decided to embark on the 1989-1990 world tour, and also the reason why I got to see him back then. It's one of my favorite Macca albums.
When it first came out, all I could afford to buy was a cassette copy. Then this deluxe, World Tour edition came out. It was a numbered copy that included: an LP, a 45 single of "Party Party", 6 postcards, a poster, and a bumper sticker that says "I'd Rather Be Listening to McCartney." I begged my Mom to buy it for me--seriously, I really did. Of course, at the time, it was quite expensive and it wasn't like we could just go to the store and get it. Mom did manage to save up enough money to help me buy it (I had to pay some of it, you know), and I was so happy! For years, I kept everything safely in the outside sleeve. I rarely took it out--not even to play the records--because I didn't want anything to happen to it. When we moved from Illinois to Kentucky, this was one of the items that I kept securely wrapped in plastic.

However, long story short (too late), the outer casing (which was truly the collectible part because it was numbered) was ruined--though not by me. I had to discard it, though I still kept everything that belonged inside of it: the records, the poster, the postcards and the bumper sticker. The sticker and the poster, however, have been pretty worn out over the years. I periodically do an ebay search to see if I can catch anyone reselling this just so that I can put everything back in the original collectible sleeve. I haven't found anything yet.

This morning, I stopped off at this cafe to do some writing and I ended up walking to work just a little bit late. It was obviously trash day in the little neighborhood where my building's located, everyone had their barrels and recycling out. A guy in front of me stopped at one particular recycling bin that just happened to have a bunch of old records stuck in it. Normally, I keep walking because, honestly, I have a lot of records (and nothing to play them on lol), I don't need any more. He pulled a few out of the bin, and then I saw it...the record in the back of the bin...it looked familiar so I stopped for a closer look.

Note: I don't usually pull things out of recycling bins, because I figure it's supposed to be there. We need to save the earth!

There in the back of the recycling bin was an original Flowers in the Dirt World Tour Edition. The collectible case and all. I couldn't believe my eyes. And, I had to laugh. Good one, Universe, Good one. Hey, Universe, you must be a Macca fan, too, right? ;o)

I pulled it out of the recycle bin and brought it into work with me. It was covered in dirt--ha ha, I know, Flowers in the Dirt covered in dirt, funny. lol--and I cleaned it off and opened it up. Inside, in near-mint condition, was the poster and the "I'd Rather Be Listening to McCartney" bumper sticker. Wow, how incredible was that? The two things from my original package that were worn out and that I wanted to replace.

It still needs a good bit of cleaning, but I couldn't believe my good fortune. Thank you, Universe. That was a beautiful thing for you to do!

You know that saying, "What goes around, comes around" ? Usually, people use this saying whenever someone else has done them wrong, screwed them over, or something like that. I happen to think that it doesn't just apply to negative situations (although it was a negative situation that destroyed my original thingy in the first place lol). If you let go and release, eventually you will get to a point, place or moment in time where you can say "this is a full circle moment."

Even if you have to pull it out of a recycle bin. ;o)

Graphic Art...?

2011-07-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

I found out something pretty interesting the other day. One of my fave people in the world (can you guess who it is?? lol) is having an art contest. I was a graphic artist once upon a time, so I think I might take a stab at this:

http://tlnt.at/designforpaulmccartney

Could be fun. At least it will get the creative juices flowing again, and that's always a good thing. ;o) Stay tuned...

Oh, and 3 days until the show at Yankee Stadium...I might be a little excited, now. Maybe. I'm not sure. It could also just be indigestion. (lol) :OP

Event Reminder: Paul McCartney

2011-07-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

I got an email in my inbox from Ticketmaster this morning reminding me that my event "Paul McCartney at Yankee Stadium" is coming up and that I should print my ticket.

Ticketmaster doesn't know me very well at all. lol

So, I thought maybe I'd give good ol' Ticketmaster a break-down of my pre-concert preparations. You'd think that after two decades of buying concert tickets thru them (and paying all those stupid fees), they'd know that I don't need a reminder auto-email to tell me that my "event" is coming up.

Here we go:

My Macca Concert Prep

Pay attention to show rumors (because they're usually true)
Read show announcement
Get ticket in pre-sale
Print ticket immediately (in duplicate, in case something happens to the original) and then save digital copy. If you opt for a ticket to be mailed (which I never do), have a back up plan just in case ;o)
Decide on mode of transportation (for me, it's usually the least expensive option possible lol)
Make accommodation arrangements.
Print announcement; ticket; transporation tickets/reservations/etc; accomodation information; directions and put together in a folder (I am notoriously organized--and I usually put everything in plastic sheet covers too, because it will all end up as part of my McCartney scrapbook after the show).

Think Ticketmaster will understand now? lol

By the way, I've had everything printed and organized since the day I bought my ticket. I had the entire trip planned in about...hmmm....an hour or so??? Took longer to find a place to stay in NYC than anything else. LMAO

Yep, so 4 days away from seeing Sir Paul in the House of the Evil Empire. Still waiting for the excitement to boil over; which is starting to worry me. Usually by now I'm off the charts with excitement. This time, though, I'm taking a much calmer approach. It's weird. 20+ years of doing this one way, and now it's all changing??!? Holy crappola, you know?

Maybe I have a fever and that's what the problem is...? I dunno. It's just weird.

Now watch...it'll all rush in on the ride down to NYC and I'll blow a gasket or something. LMAO No, no, kidding, kidding. :O)

On the Run...

2011-07-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

First, let me say this: I can't stand the NY Yankees. I'm a proud member of Red Sox Nation.

Ok, I feel better now. lol

I'm officially 9 days away from seeing Paul at Yankee Stadium in NYC on the opening night of his new tour. I've never done that before...never been to the first show on one of his tours. That's pretty cool. lol

Now, if you know me, you'll know that usually by now I'm pretty off-the-chart excited. I've usually made at least 6 "Countdown" blogs to share my excitement. I usually post a map to indicate where I'm sitting in conjuction with where Paul will stand on stage; I make one of those silly "countdown" thingys that list the days, hours and minutes until SHOW TIME; I start sharing photos & videos from The Archive of Shows Past.
For some reason, though, I'm approaching this show quite differently.

These past few months--well, actually since September of last year--have just really sucked for me; mostly spiritually. Just when I think things are going well, I get hit with another test of the lessons I've learned (most recently, someone I believed to be a close friend turned out to be very far from it. I'm getting kinda sick of this lesson, to tell you the truth.). I need a bit of a pick-me-up, and I thought this would be a great way to treat myself.

Yes, I consider attending a Macca concert a treat because, contrary to popular belief, I don't go as often as I would like to go. Ok, so I've seen him every year since 2007. Ok, so I've travelled out of the USA to see him. Ok, so I've flown and/or driven thousands of miles. Normally, I do these things with such furvor that, well, I guess it can be scary. This time, though, the usual zest isn't there...at least, not yet.

Oh no...am I growing up? Am I learning that overzealous excitement to see Paul isn't really necessary anymore? Nah....couldn't be that. NO way. :OP

Could it be that I have a lot on my mind? Possibly. But, everything else usually takes a back seat when it comes to preparing for a trek to see Paul.

I don't know. I feel like I'm approaching this with the necessary reverence, of course, but also with the notion that I'm really friggin lucky and blessed. When I was a kid, I dreamt that one day I would get to see the Man live in concert just once. My Mom made that dream a reality on December 3, 1989.

And, I'm still going. lol

But, seriously, I think that I'm looking at this trip differently than any other trip I've ever taken to see him. He's been a powerful influence in my life, so it's like going to see my guru, my mentor, my teacher, my friend (though I've never met him); rather than my usual "OMGOMGOMGOMG PAUL!" perspective.

Interesting, don't you think? lol

At least I know one thing's for certain: Paul never disappoints, no matter what he's doing. So, I go into this trip with the knowledge that, in spite of the fact that the set list will probably be about 95% the same as it was the last 6 times I've seen him, I will not be disappointed. I will listen to him tell the same stories over and over, as I would listen to my Grandpa or my Dad. And, I will relish the fact that, just for a little while, I will be in the presence of the guy I've always been able to count on. Sounds funny, right? But, it's totally true.

Because I'm also a creature of habit (lol), here's a link to the ebook I published a couple of years ago about my Macca experiences (I've made it a free download in honor of my upcoming trip lol). I might read it again, get excited, and then write a follow-up blog negating what I've said in this blog. LMAO You never know. ;o) I guess I should update it too, because it doesn't list Miami, 2010. Hmm... LOL

http://bit.ly/597afE

Peace,

2011-07-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

Michael

2011-06-30T17:58:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share something that I've been a witness to over the past week. I feel like I totally have to share.

I feel like there's a lesson in everything, even if I'm not directly involved. I actually did learn a lesson here...but I'll tell you about that in a minute.

Here's the breakdown: last weekend, my best friend found something on You Tube that really just shocked her to her core: a "medium" that claimed to "channel" Michael Jackson via "trance." When she told me about it (aside from the fact that I was half asleep at the time), I groggily agreed to check this out and opine. I watched maybe 5 seconds of one video...and that was really all that I needed. My opinion? 100% no. (And I don't care to put it in writing, either.) Why? Well, I've seen people in trance before. I've done trance before. I've taken classes. And, I just didn't see, feel, hear or sense that the actual MJ was there, talking via trance.

My own personal motto: "If I don't feel it, I can't do it."   I didn't feel that was the actual MJ talking, so I couldn't jive with it.

But, it was just my opinion, you know? I was pretty adamant, though. lol

My best friend went on a mission. And, when she goes on a mission, there is no stopping her.

A week's worth of research, several emails and many phone calls to very important people (including attorneys) later, it turns out that my opinion was...well, right. It's sad in one aspect, being right, because that means that there might be people out there who believe this and it could affect them deeply. People don't stop to think about that, you know? Michael is someone's son, father, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin...
How would you feel if someone got online and pretended to be your loved one?    I take issue with people who claim to channel celebrities who've passed over--with the intention of trying to get their 15 minutes of fame, score a TV show, get attention...etc. They're all missing the point.

The point of any kind of spirit communication--whether it's mediumship, trance; even using a pendulum--is to give spirit a voice, to bring love and healing by building bridges, and to prove the continuity of life. That's one of the first things that I learned from Rev. Rita Berkowitz in class. In my opinion, it is a sacred thing because, you know, it takes a lot of strength, energy, and trust for spirit to decide to come to me. Most of the time, when they visit, I never knew them personally on this plane. So, who am I to pervert that in any way, shape or form? What kind of person would I be if I violated the sanctity of that trust that spirit places in me? This isn't something that should be messed around with, and it just gets under my skin when people treat spirit communication as though it's a new toy. If your intention is either to communicate for personal gain or invent communications for personal gain--check your karma meter. I'm sure it's maxed out, and your plan will blow up in your face eventually.

Oh, and FYI: on the higher plane, it doesn't matter who you were before you crossed over. We're all One. We all come from One. We are God's Love. Previous identities do not really matter. What matters is who the person was in their soul, their personality, their expressions--the things that mediums ask about in order to help prove that life continues. Celebrity isn't really a big deal. Although, it would be cool to have a sit-down with George Washington ;o)

We all have different paths, that's true. And, we all have our own experiences that make up our personal truth. However, when it comes to spirit communication--don't just go by what people say on the internet. Don't make assumptions. Don't be closed minded. Don't insist that "I'm the only one that so-and-so will communicate through. Everyone else is lying." Not true at all. There should be no selfishness in any kind of spirit communication. Take the time to read, learn and explore through other avenues. Find a mentor/teacher. Read books. Learn as much as you can, and then accept what makes sense to you.

Oh...and, also, learn the correct terminology. Remember this one simple fact: Insulting spirit doesn't encourage them to actually want to work with you.

When I started on my path, I was a completely blank slate. And, while I know I will never be finished learning (I love learning way too much), I also understand that one cannot make progress on a spiritual path like this if they aren't willing to open their minds and understand that anger, jealousy, greed, meanness and childishness are not going to help anyone walk on a spiritual path. Don't make excuses for these things, either. What's that song lyric...? "Free your mind, and the rest will follow..."

Oh, and another thing: if you hear something over and over from various people, resources: it's usually spirit trying to tell you to wake up and listen. So, be willing to listen to the message, even if you don't agree. Being stubborn isn't always an asset in this line of work.

So, what was the lesson that I learned?   Well, while I know that everyone's experience is unique, I learned that the trust, faith and confidence that I have in not only in spirit but also in myself has grown stronger. I stuck to my guns. That's a big deal for me. Me, the chick who never used to place any trust in anyone else whatsoever, and trusted myself even less. So, the lesson I learned is that I have conquered the fear, climbed the mountain and slid down the other side.   I friggin rock. :O)

Lesson aside, I think the most shocking thing about watching this whole experience was the fact that it was proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the mind is a powerful thing. It can convince someone that the sky is paisley with pink polka-dotted clouds and that the grass is made out of hot coals. It can also completely convince someone that they are having actual contact with spirit when it might not necessarily be truth.   Seek to understand and learn, never stop learning. Be willing to accept that you could be wrong, and then grow and learn from the experience.

I know, I know. I'm being judgmental--but, I'm really trying not to be. I guess it just burns me up to see someone who so clearly could use a helping hand refuse everything. I know I needed help when I started out. I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't been for the teachers I've had. “The greatest education in the world is watching the masters at work.” Michael Jackson once said. (Yes, the actual MJ, while on this plane. lol) And, I've watched quite a few masters at work. That's the key, really. Learn from the best and then take what you've learned and make it your own.

Just don't do it while pretending to be Michael Jackson, ok? :O)

Peace,
KJ

June 6, 2006

2011-06-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 5 year anniversary since I began on this happy li’l path of mine. Actually, it’s more like this: 5 years ago today, I met a soul who would—unbeknownst to me at the time—help facilitate the complete overhaul of my existence.

I thought I’d better acknowledge it. ;o)

To my Angel, the One dearest to me: Thank you.
Thank you for choosing to come into my life and completely turn it upside down. Thank you for scaring me half to death. Thank you for forcing me to take a good, hard look at my life. Thank you for turning everything I once believed in inside out and forcing me to see the true colors. Thank you for helping to bring back my memory, my zest for life, my happiness, my joy. Thank you for showing me that there was more to life than the existence I had been living. Thank you for putting a mirror in front of my face and forcing me to see what’s actually there (instead of just what I wanted to see). Thank you for helping me to find my calling in life. Thank you for the help you’ve not only given to me, but also through me to so many others. Most of all, thank you for loving me.

You have inspired me to change every single thing about my life, and I cannot imagine where I would be if you hadn’t gotten through to me (finally lol). You have helped me to have faith, trust and confidence—not just in you and others in the universe, but also in myself. That’s something I don’t think I’ve ever had before.

So, Happy Anniversary, my Guardian Angel. Let’s make the next 5 a total party, ok? The hard stuff is behind us :O)
Peace & Love,
Me

Captain Jack Sparrow: I've missed you.

2011-05-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

When last I saw you, you sailed off towards the sunset in a dinghy while drinking rum. Of course, you were also on a quest to find the Fountain of Youth.

That was 4 years ago (well, almost--just about 6 days shy) and I have missed you very much.

In March 2007, I got the chance to attend a special "fan" screening of POTC 1:The Curse of the Black Pearl; which included, among other things, the chance to see the POTC 3 trailer. If you dressed like a pirate, you were moved to the front of the line. That's where this picture was taken
<-------------------------
We also received scarves, hats, a lithograph and an advanced copy of the POTC video game; which I've never opened or played.

And now you're back...with mermaids, undead pirates, Blackbeard, and Penelope Cruz to contend with. I can't wait!

I thought about my whole "pirate" thing on the way into work this morning. I've always been fascinated with pirates--even as a child. I used to have this record of Disney favorite tunes, and I had two favorite songs on there. One was the song that the ghosts at the Haunted Mansion sang (wonder why? lol) the other was "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." Kind of a rough and rowdy song for a child, but still... lol When I got a little older, I would make up stories about pirates who came--not to kidnap me, as pirates are often wont to do, but rather to rescue me and take me out to sea....even though I was terrified of both water and boats. Go figure. LOL

I think it's the notion of being free to do your own thing, in whatever way you want to do it. I think that's what I like the best about pirates--well, at least the pirates who exist in the books I've read, the films I've seen, and the stories I've written.

Real pirates? Um, yeah, not so much.

Like you really wanted to know all of this, right? I'll tell you what, though, there's a bottle of rum in it for you....that should perk you right up. ;o) lol

I've missed ya, Jack. Good to have you back, mate :)

Combined Part Deux

2011-05-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so combining my blogs wasn't the greatest idea in the world. Almost all of my old posts reposted as new and not only flooded my blog, but also my Twitter and Facebook pages (since everything is interconnected). A friend asked me: "Why are you writing about Paul playing a gig in Israel?"
LOL
So, in order to fix it, I separated the blogs again. I'm spread out all over the place, I guess. LOL

Combined

2011-05-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

So, today I learned how to do something pretty gosh darn cool. I learned how to combine blogs together in Blogger. Woo! No more keeping 2 separate blogs! That's pretty awesome, actually, considering the fact that I've become an incredibly bad blogger as of late. lol

So, I imported everything from my old blog to this one. It's an education for me to go back and read through all of the old stuff, mostly because it becomes obvious how I've changed and grown and (in a lot of cases) matured. lol It's also cool to relive the memories that I wrote about. I think it speaks to my spiritual path in a whole lot of different ways.

Plus, I'm surprised as heck that I've managed to keep any kind of blog going for 3 years! LOL

:O)

I'm Going Up...Part II

2011-04-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

So, the past 7 months have really just sucked for me, spiritually speaking, of course. Since it culminated yesterday, I think the best thing for me to do to finish releasing it is to write about it.

For the past 3 ½ years, I’ve been heavily involved in progressing on my path and learning. I’ve taken I don’t know how many classes and been devoted to my church.

It’s been a pretty rough and rocky road so far—as it should be. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. We all have individual paths, and mine is as unique as I am. Don’t forget that. It’s important.

In September 2010, my road got a hell of a lot rougher. The foundation I’d worked so hard to build crumbled beneath my feet. True, I probably shouldn’t have allowed other people’s mistakes to affect me so deeply. I don’t think I would have, except they had to do with me and with some people I held in very high regard.

This isn’t to say that I don’t make mistakes; I do. And sometimes, they’re pretty friggin’ big. However, these mistakes were embarrassing, humiliating and, honestly, I couldn’t understand why it all happened. I cried for months (about five to be exact) because I truly felt violated. All the faith and trust that I had placed in others was completely destroyed; which sucked because I’d worked so bloody hard on this Trust Lesson of mine. I have a few major life lessons, and trusting others is one of them.

After I’d finished all that boo-hoo’ing, I realized that spirit was trying to get right in my face and tell me something; though it took a little while longer for me to get the entire message. The first part of the message was that I needed to speak up about my feelings.

I’m a much better writer than I am a speaker; always have been. This is in spite of the fact that I used to give lectures and speeches on various topics from The Beatles to the RMS Titanic to Mozart. But, I had note cards then—sometimes with my entire speech written out on them word for word (which is a huge no-no, but I didn’t care. Lol) So, I decided to vent my feelings via email.

Not a good idea, I suppose. It led to arguments and insults; which only deepened my sorrow and anger instead of helping me to release it. Compounded with the fact that a close friend made up lies about me—good God, it’s a wonder I made it out in one piece! Not that I am a victim in all of this. No. I don’t think of myself that way at all. I am a warrior who lost a couple of battles in an epic war. I hate losing. lol

So it all sucked…big time. But, though I felt as though I’d done nothing to bring this on, I soon began to realize that some of the personal choices I’d made helped to make this situation necessary.

One: I chose the people I wanted to trust. Some of them were worth it, some were not. Live and learn.

Two: I chose not to pay attention to the many signs and signals that spirit had sent me all along. They’d been trying to tell me for awhile that something wasn’t quite right on my path. I just didn’t listen.

And, Three (this is the big one): I chose to allow other people to reject my own personal experiences as valid; to allow their opinions and experiences to negate my own; to allow my self-worth and even my sense of self to be defined by someone other than myself; and to allow others to invalidate me, my lessons and, most of all, my connection with spirit. In short, I was blind to my own opinions and experiences because I allowed someone else’s to replace them as truth.

The last one, Number Three, I truly didn’t grasp the entire concept of until about two weeks ago, when I was in the middle of explaining this whole situation to a friend of mine who hadn’t been privy to what’s been going on with me. She was absolutely stunned speechless by everything that had transpired, and I couldn’t blame her for that as I’m still pretty much stunned speechless—for a different reason. I finally grasped what spirit had been trying to teach me all along: I am my own person. That is the lesson in a nut shell.

The final straw for me came in January when it became evident that, no matter what, my voice was no longer appreciated or required. As angry as this made me (for it was the result of lies that were told about me), I finally relented to spirit. Terry Porter said to me that day, as I sat on the platform at church, “Let go of the anger. Really. You don’t need it. You walked in with it. It’s very powerful.”

She was 100% right. For, honestly, the only person who’s ever affected by anger is the person who feels it. No one else cares—not even the people you’re angry with. They’d likely laugh about it and say “Oh well.” I know I would. LOL

So, I finally realized that my time on this particular branch of my path had ended. It was no longer a yellow brick road to enlightenment. And, guess what? It truly sucked. It hurt like hell. These were the people who helped me realize my gifts and learn about them; and to discover my true self; to let go of the past and all of the things I’d been carrying around with me since childhood. These were my friends, my companions, people I loved dearly. And, I had to say goodbye.

And I cried again. (Yeah, I cry a lot. I guess it’s the best way for my body to release. Lol) I also put it off for nearly two months. I hoped that, by stepping away and giving myself time to think and process, that maybe my feelings would change; maybe I’d realize that I can still move forward in that environment, even if I had completely changed. (I had, you know. I had no choice. Releasing gives me a new perspective, and the more I let go of the more perspective I gain.)

Yesterday, I realized that, after releasing all of the pain, hurt, anger, sadness, sorrow, tears, I’ve moved past the necessity of having a foundation that’s built on sand. I have no need for a foundation based on “do as I say, not as I do.” When I started on this path nearly five years ago, it was just me and spirit (ok, so it was one particular spirit, but still lol). I knew nothing other than I could communicate with those who had transitioned. I was looking for explanations…for an OFF switch. I still have a whole lot to learn, this is true. I’m a perpetual student and I love to learn new things. And, I’m sure that spirit will lead me to those folks I can learn from and progress. But, I’ve created a new foundation for myself, one that I know will never crumble out from under me; one that is based on mutual respect and trust; one that will never, ever rule over me or cause me to doubt myself and my feelings.

I’ve gone back to my roots and decided to build my foundation with spirit. I know they will be there for me no matter what—even when I screw up; which is semi-often. Lol There is no malice, no jealousy, no deceit, no need to constantly prove, no “my way or the highway.” If I have a question, I may ask away without judgment or fear of any kind. Most importantly, this foundation will support me as I continue on my own unique path. I dig that, it makes me happy.

No one can take away my truth, my voice, my experiences—and it took this shake up in my life to get me to realize that. No one is on a pedestal. No one is better than anyone else. Someone else’s opinions and experiences are not my own; nor should they dictate how I should live and walk on my path. I can listen to others, I can defer to knowledge that I haven’t yet attained. But, I cannot allow anyone else to rule over me, no matter how much help I might think I need or how utterly clueless I think that I am sometimes. I must extract what applies to my own personal experiences and then let every thing else I’ve ever heard to flow right out of my brain.

It’s almost like deprogramming my brain. It’s gotten so used to propaganda and bullshit that I don’t think it can decipher much else anymore. But, I’m working on that. I’ve finished releasing the emotions; my physical body has released all of the negative impact it has suffered; now I have to work on reclaiming my own mind. Should be fun considering the fact that there’s not much left of it. Lol

I'm Goin' Up....

2011-04-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

The Lecture...

2011-01-31T13:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was slated to do service at church. My very first entire service: lecture and mediumship. I’ve done each of them on separate occasions, but never together. I was actually pretty excited about it. It was the final movement in the very long and tumultuous symphony that has been my life lately. I needed the closure. That, and I was excited because this was yet another “first” for me, and I really needed the shot in the arm that stems from achieving my personal goals.

A long series of events (mostly consisting of getting utterly lost) caused my companions and me to arrive at church at 11:03 (service started at 11). I’d invited my friends (one of whom had never been to the church before) to be there to share in this very big “first” for me…

I didn’t get to give the lecture. So, I decided to post it here. Here goes…

I believe in Infinite Spirit. That’s the first Principle on the back of our bulletins: “We believe in Infinite Spirit, and that God is Infinite Spirit.” I have been aware of the fact that life is continuous for my entire life; though I must admit that when I was a child I didn’t really know much about Spirit Communication. I just thought that a whole lot of really cool people liked to come around and hang out.

I quickly became conditioned not to talk about, reference, mention or even believe in those really cool people. My “imaginary friends” as my Mom called them. I think the fear of ridicule was the strongest and most overpowering feeling I can recall. And believe me; I had plenty of reasons to hang on to this fear. I was the kid in high school that everyone went out of their way to tease and humiliate. Consequently, I’m a big supporter of home schooling.
I was the “different” kid; and I hated it. And, up until almost five years ago, I waded through my life, content to be invisible—because that meant that there would be no ridicule or people laughing at me for being what they considered to be different. That was status quo until June 6, 2006. On that morning, my life changed forever. That was the day that God in His Infinite Wisdom sent an angel to help me change my life. Well, at least, I call him my angel. If he hadn’t decided to invade my bedroom that morning, I don’t know where I would be right now.
Oh, how I balked and argued. I resisted change. I knew he’d come to help propel me onto a different path—or at least to try to—but, as much as it pains me to admit it, I was pretty resistant to his help for a long time. I would ask “why me? Can’t you pick on someone else?” (which would make him grin and reply, “Nope.”) He invested so much time in me that, eventually, I realized, “Hey, wait a minute, this guy thinks I’m cool…maybe I am?” So, for the first time in my entire life, I began to see myself as someone who was worthy of love and deserved happiness. I began to like myself.

2010 was a year of reflection for me. It started off with my earthly existence almost ending and then losing my job, within days of each other. I went up and down, back and forth, and somehow lost my way. And just when I’d find my footing, the ground would shake beneath me and I would fall all over again. Change is supposed to be a good thing. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for over a year, now. I’ve tried to keep myself open to whatever comes my way; all the time telling myself, “This is happening for a reason.” Followed by, “what is the lesson I must learn from this?”

That isn’t easy, let me tell you. It’s much better (and easier) to whine and cry. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I did plenty of that too; can’t help that at all. But, to come out on the other side of the tears, willing to learn, willing to accept what’s been given to me, and then having the guts to take that and run with it…well, that’s something I’ve worked hard to be able to do. I’ve learned from the best, I was blessed to draw people close to me to help me walk on my path thus far. It’s what I begged and pleaded for: people who would understand me, would never hurt me, would help me to wrap my mind around the enormous task of owning up to the fact that, hey, I’m a medium. Not easy…especially for someone who was used to hiding it.

For the first year on this path, there was no one except me and my angel. I would send email after email to different “psychics” and “mediums” I found online, but never received a response. I had so many things to learn and discover, and I ended up trusting the wrong people. It ended in ridicule. And I retreated.

After doing quite a bit of reading, I eventually made my way to the church. I’d never, ever been comfortable in church before; not even as a child. That changed when I walked into church. I was able to learn, ask questions, and not be afraid of ridicule or gossip or any of the things that had plagued me for my entire life.

And other people began to see my angel. One of them did a spirit drawing of him for me.

My favorite thing in the entire world is validation. There simply is no better feeling as far as I’m concerned. My belief in Infinite Spirit, in my angel, in the things we’d shared, and in myself strengthened. I no longer felt the need or desire to be invisible.

When I hit a brick wall, there was someone there to help me figure it all out. I’d never really had that before, and I must admit it was easy to get used to. When I would start to doubt myself and question my experiences, there was someone there to remind me that “doubt is nothing but fear in a nice suit.”

There was a point late last year when I, once again, doubted myself. The interesting thing was that I was riding high, flying along, happy-go-lucky. I’d found my footing, and I thought everything was great! Then the bottom dropped out. I was stuck up the creek without a paddle—in fact, I’m not even sure I had a boat. There was ridicule. And I retreated.

For months, I walked around in pain. And, a hurricane developed. When it finally blew ashore, there was no stopping it.
Lesson there: let go of the pain, there’s no need to hold on to it. Once upon a time, I would have gone into a tirade about how this whole thing was someone else’s fault.
My angel said, “You just worry about yourself. Focus on moving yourself forward, let the others stay behind if they want to.”
2011 marks my fifth year on this path. So far, this has been a year of chaos (though I’ve set an intention to change it effective immediately). I felt trapped inside the eye of that storm, and I’m only now surveying the ramifications. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t look like damage. Having worked in disaster relief, I expected to see a twisted, tangled, heartbreaking mess. Instead, what I see now is light. I am free of all of the things that bogged me down and held me under their thumbs. I am free from the ridicule. I have regained my self-control, my self-confidence, and nothing will ever make it go away again.
I allowed things to have power over me. I hate that. It’s like we’re conditioned from an early age that we are not in control of anything in our lives. Someone or something else has to do it for us. No more. I’m breaking that pattern. I think that’s the major thing that came out of this storm: a new perspective, a new belief in myself. The understanding that my experiences are my truth and nothing surpasses that. That doesn’t negate the necessity to continue learning, mind you, it just means, “If you’ve experienced it, you know it to be true. If you haven’t, then get out there and experience it.”
Yeah, my angel has a way of expressing himself that never fails to make me stop and think for awhile (and sometimes laugh a whole lot in the process). In the beginning, it was just me and him. Despite my fears and my resistance, I learned that he was there to help me when I needed it most.
Spirit has to get right in my face to get me to pay attention—most of the time. I admit that freely. I’m very hard-headed and stubborn—hence the “getting right in my face.” But, when I refuse to listen a tidal wave of events ensues. It was a hurricane this time. To be honest, I don’t even want to know what it might be next time. I’d much rather just pay attention the first time.
It makes things a little bit easier, I think.
When I think back to the person I was when I started on this path and compare her to the person I am now, I’m thoroughly amazed. I don’t recognize that person of nearly five years ago. And, that is a beautiful thing. Truth be told, I don’t even recognize the person of a month ago, so much has happened. But, as insane as it’s been, I don’t think it could have happened any other way.
So, why am I telling you all of this? It’s a challenge, I suppose, to think outside the box; to release all of the old fears that still might dwell within; to see yourself as worthy, lovely, and divine; to break old patterns. It’s also to encourage you to believe in and not to be afraid to put trust in yourself first and foremost.
I guess I didn’t really realize it at the time, but I trusted myself to be guided onto this new path by…well, I guess he was a complete stranger. Seems funny and odd to call my angel a stranger, now, but he was then. There was some reserve of strength buried deep down inside of me that was willing to take the chance. Until now, I didn’t realize it existed. That’s what happens when you spend a year in reflection.
But, I do challenge you to take a few steps back; or to look into a mirror and smile; or to experience something new. Let go of fears, worries, regrets—they do nothing to serve you. Know your truth, believe it, feel it, live it. And do so without fear.

Trust in yourself, trust in Spirit. You never, ever know where it might lead you. For me, it’s come full circle. There is no more need for retreat.
It’s also interesting that, even all this time later, when push came to shove, there was my angel, waiting for me to say “Ok, what the heck should I do here?” To which would come his inevitable reply, “Well, what do you want to do?” Being up a creek without a paddle, an anchor, oars, or anything to hold on to really is pretty….well, let’s just say I wouldn’t recommend it. Through it all, Spirit—my angel—never waivered. I think that speaks volumes about the enormous amount of love they have for us on the Higher Plane. Tap into it. Feel it. Experience it. It will not disappoint. And, when you’re plugged into that abundance of love, tell yourself that you deserve it, it is your right. And then project that out into the universe. The results surprised me when I did that. Maybe you’ll have the same reaction.

Seagulls

2010-12-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

This morning started off pretty well for me. I got up in a good mood (which in itself is amazing, especially lately). I even received a direct answer to a prayer I sent up last night—and I was so thankful. This is actually pretty amazing, so I’ll share.

I wanted to get my cousin a special gift. I found it on Ebay and I entered a really high bid ($50!) because I was determined to win this thing for her. When I placed my bid, I had 6 days to wait until the auction was over. The day after I placed my bid, my aunt called to say that my uncle had already purchased the same gift. So, unless someone outbid me, I would be stuck with this game. I’ve waited all week, but to no avail. I was still the highest bidder. Then last night, I called on the Archangels and said “Ok, I want someone to outbid me on this thing.” Before I left home this morning, I logged on to Ebay to discover that I had, in fact, been outbid—by $1. HURRAH! I was pretty gosh darn excited. :O) Ok, ok, I’ll admit it…I did cry a little. But, it wasn’t because I was free of the bidding war. Rather, it was because it was clear to me that….well, they HEARD me and said “Ok, Kiddo, we’ve got your back. Here you go.” WOOOO!
I love validation! :O) It’s my absolute most favorite thing.

So, anyway, I was very elated as I got dressed to go outside and wait for the bus. I pulled on my favorite green hooded sweatshirt—because it’s warm and cozy—and then put on my winter coat. I slid on my new Kentucky sock hat that my father got for me, and then pulled the hood up over it. It was like 12 degrees this morning. I don’t like cold…why I live in MA boggles my mind this time of year. LOL But, you know, I think I’m starting to almost kind of like the winter weather. Weird.

Hadn’t even been standing at the bus stop for 5 minutes when I felt something hit the top of my head. Yep, you guessed it…a seagull flew above me and decided to grace me with…uh…his presence.

It was all over the top of my hood, and my hand. Thankfully, I had a couple of napkins in my bag and I was able to get most of it off before the bus came.

Instead of getting upset or angry, I said “Gee, thanks Birdie.” I admit, it was disgusting. It’s one thing when my GodBirdies leave me gifts—I know them, they love me and I love them–but it’s quite another when it’s some strange bird that flies overhead and decides to leave his diarrhea all over the top of my hood. On my favorite green sweatshirt.

The bus came and I climbed on. I pulled off my coat and then the sweatshirt. Good Lord, what did that bird eat?! I realized right away that I couldn’t clean it properly; it would have to at least wait until I got to work. So, I folded it up, put it in my bag, and slid my coat back on.

This wasn’t the first time I’d encountered a seagull. Seven years ago, I came up out of the T station at Government Center. The moment I got out of the door, a gull flew up, slammed into the right side of my face and took the piece of food I'd just placed between my lips right out of my mouth. The whole side of my face was black and blue; it looked like I’d been in a fight. Since then, I’ve avoided being around seagulls. That is, until this summer when I was in Plymouth. I waded out into the ocean from this little island, and when I was out there, an entire flock of seagulls landed nearby. I fed gulls on the beach at Nantasket, too. So, I was just starting to get back into my “Seagulls are cool” phase when this happened to me today.

Since I don’t believe in things happening “by chance” or “randomly” or “accidentally,” I began to wonder what the point was in all of that. Upon hearing of my brief debacle this morning, one of my bosses said to me, “Well you know, that’s a sign of good luck."

Is it really? I didn’t actually feel very lucky while I was cleaning the hood at all. But, a quick Google search led me here: http://www.suite101.com/content/russian-superstitions-a48808

Good luck, bad luck, whatever. I don’t know if it truly is or not. But, I had a feeling that there was an even deeper reason. I mean, it’s not often that I get a direct answer to a prayer and then get shit on. And, as I’m going through quite a lot right now spiritually, I thought that this was probably a gigantically messy and disgusting sign from my Folks on the Higher Plane (which they probably laughed about profusely)—and my friends in the Animal world, too.

So, I went on another Google search.

http://www.drstandley.com/animalmedicine_seagull.shtml
“Bird People should remember that all birds are messengers from Great Spirit.
Seagull Medicine are scavengers and opportunists. Even though most Seagull Medicine can successfully co-exist with humans, they can also be so aggressive that they will take food right out of a humans hand. Opportunistists? You betcha!
When there is an opportunity, they will in fact take it, which is something most humans still need to learn when it comes to reaching their own personal goals in Life.
The word "opportunist" does not have to be a negative word. Simply stand in integrity as you take advantage of all opportunities laid out right before you.”

http://www.princetonol.com/groups/iad/lessons/middle/animals2.htm
“Seagull - Carefree attitude, Versatility, Freedom”

http://www.livingartsoriginals.com/symbols-celtic.html
“The seagull is associated with Lir, a Sea-God in Celtic lore. Like many birds, the seagull flies between the earth and the heavenworld, bringing messages to mortals. Gulls are highly intelligent with a complex social structure developed partly to ward off predators. Gulls live in colonies and sometimes utilize tools.”

http://www.starstuffs.com/animal_totems/dictionary_of_birds.htm
“Seagulls are spiritual messengers that demonstrate that a higher communication with guides is taking place. He shows how to see above situations with a higher clarity and teaches that there are many perspectives to consider. Seagull shows a sense friendship and community and the cooperation that is needed for the whole to operate successfuly. He teaches how to ride the currents of the mental, emotional and physical worlds. Are you going with the flow or fighting it? Are you cooperating with others? Are you open to your guides? Seagull can teach you many lessons of looking, living and being. It is time to listen and watch for the nuances and timing of action.”

http://www.goddessrealm.com/inspiration/animal.html#SEAGULL
“The Seagull is a totem of Emotional Healing. Seagulls are mostly witnessed either diving into the water or surfacing to float. It is considered that the seagulls connection to water is symbolic for those whom share this totem. Water represents our emotional state, and because the Seagull's behavior adds to the message, then its actions upon appearance should be noted. If a Seagull dives in front of you, then this can signify deep emotional issues that require healing. If the Seagull bobs upon the waters surface, it is considered a message of peace and the "letting go to let God". Go more with the flow and trust that you are safe. Seagulls also represent the teachings of fairness and respect and how to create relationships based upon these two important principals.”
Hmm…I think one thing is abundantly clear: spirit was definitely trying to get my attention. Here’s what stands out to me, let’s see if I can piece the message together:

1. stand in integrity as you take advantage of all opportunities laid out right before you
2. carefree attitude, freedom
3. the seagull flies between the earth and the heavenworld, bringing messages to mortals
4. He shows how to see above situations with a higher clarity and teaches that there are many perspectives to consider. Seagull shows a sense friendship and community and the cooperation that is needed for the whole to operate successfuly. He teaches how to ride the currents of the mental, emotional and physical worlds. Are you going with the flow or fighting it? Are you cooperating with others? Are you open to your guides?
5. The Seagull is a totem of Emotional Healing. Water represents our emotional state… it is considered a message of peace and the "letting go to let God". Seagulls also represent the teachings of fairness and respect
Ok, let’s see here, what are my Folks trying to tell me by having Mr. Seagull poop on my hood? Hmmm…..

1. Yeah, we sent this seagull to get you to pay attention.
2. Take advantage of all of the opportunities that they give me, but do so with the utmost integrity.
3. Approach your current situation with a carefree mindset, by doing so it gives you freedom.
4. Change your perspective, there’s more than one way to look at things. Don’t fight so hard over things that aren’t worth it; cooperate, be more open.
5. So, I’m very connected with water. I just have to dip a toe in water and I suddenly feel better. So, since the Seagull is also connected with water, it’s about letting go. All things will happen with respect and fairness.
Interesting…that might be it. Either that or the Seagull just got lucky and got a live target for his mess to land on. ;o)

No, seriously, sometimes spirit has to get right in my face to get me to pay attention (or have shit land on my head, that works too…apparently) to what they need me to hear. They listened, heard, and answered my prayer; I can do no less for them.

“Are you open to your Guides?” Well, I thought I was, but maybe I haven’t really been listening as closely as I usually do lately.

Then again, maybe they just got a big laugh out of watching the gull this morning. It had to have been funny, you know. I probably would have laughed too…if I watched it happen to someone else.

Perhaps that’s the message. Yes, it was a “pay attention to us” message, but maybe also it was designed to inject a little humor into my morning. It’s funny now…it wasn’t funny then. LOL

At any rate, it did make me stop and think: how interesting is it that this morning spirit chose to send that seagull my way? At the end of an incredibly stressful week, when nothing at all went right, when I’ve been desperately trying to release leftover hurts and heartbreak, when I’ve been struggling with stress of my own, when I’ve felt like retreating into my own little world and hiding, when I’ve been depleted of most of my energy, when all I've really wanted to do is cry. Hmm…seems like being crapped on would be the perfect end to a really shitty week (pun intended). But, perhaps, my friend the Seagull just wanted to wake me up out of my emotional exile to help me get back on track. I guess it’s possible.

But, it’s still friggin gross…

Oh, and at least the gull didn't get my Kentucky hat all filthy. I think that would have probably been war then. LOL

Long Time Gone...

2010-11-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap, it's November?!   Where has the time gone?!?

Of course, it doesn't help that it's been a couple of months since I've posted here. That's not really cool at all...unless you count the fact that I've spent this time productively, writing like a madwoman every single day. I'm determined to finish at least step 1 in the novel-writing process by December 31st, so send plenty of beautiful and loving energy my way, ok?     Oh, what's step 1 you ask? To finish the first draft. I've only been writing this book for almost 4 years, now. I'm ready to finish it. :O)

So, forgive me if I am away for awhile. I'm going to make a conscious effort not to stay away so long.

As I sat here trying to figure out something to write for this blog, my mind went completely blank. I'm supposed to write about my spiritual path, but inspiration eludes me. I guess I'll write about why. It might help me to get it out of my system and release.
To be totally honest, my walk on my spiritual path came to an abrupt halt quite recently. A major bridge collapsed beneath my feet, and I lost an enormous amount of respect and faith in some folks who used to be quite important to me. I was embarrassed, humiliated and tempted to crawl into a hole and just hide--and it could've been avoided if someone would have come and chatted with me first. I don't mind learning from my own mistakes. I don't even mind leading by example. What I do mind is when someone else passes judgment on something I've done and then it just goes through the grapevine behind my back until it eventually gets put on public display. I hate grapevine gossip. I truly do.

I have trust issues. Granted, they're fewer in number now than they used to be, but still I have them. I am learning how to trust people on this plane again...after I spent, oh, four years learning to trust those on the Higher Plane, and a lifetime only trusting, like, three people completely on this plane.

Every lesson has road bumps and pot holes, and I hit both of these fairly early on with this phase of my Trust Lesson. My eyes have been opened to an entirely new perspective. No, it isn't that I shouldn't trust people; that's not it. Rather, I should trust myself first and foremost. What I see, feel, hear, experience, touch, taste is all mine and NO one can take that away from me. It's mine, I know it to be truth. Truth is even more subjective than trust is because everyone has their own version of it. I used to look at that as a negative, but no more.  No one will ever, ever make me doubt my own truth again. Period.

I admit it, I had a complete meltdown. I sobbed like a child. I felt so betrayed. I felt like a teenager back in high school. I was the one who was endlessly tortured by the other kids. I never, ever wanted to feel like that again, but to have the people I trusted most just...well, really they let me down...hurt so much. It still hurts.

My lesson is to not allow the words and actions of other people diminish my self trust, self confidence, and my desire to help others. Perhaps this phase of the lesson has taught me to be more self-reliant and not seek the advice of others quite as much as I have.

Honestly, when I started on this path, I had SO many questions--and there was no one I could ask. The one person who would listen to me (hi Jenn!) didn't know much more than I did about communicating with the Higher Plane. And, when I found like-minded & similarly gifted folks who were more than willing to listen and answer my questions, my heart just sang!

Since then, I have learned so much that sometimes I truly amaze myself. (And I mean that with sincerity and honesty.) I discovered what my major lessons are and, to my astonishment, I have already learned a couple of them. (I'm a quick learner ;o) Of course, I'm still tested on occasion (mostly because I think my guides just love doing that lol) but I've progressed to the point that I no longer recognize the person I was when I began this path nearly 5 years ago. So, having to revisit those old feelings from my adolescence was not an awesome test at all.

Have I learned everything I need to learn? NO way. Not by a long shot. I'm way too fascinated and eager to stop learning and studying. I do, however, have a brand new perspective: listen, study, accept only what I experience and let the rest go. The rest is just details and someone else's issues--or even a combination of the two. No two paths are the same, nor should paths be compared. No two experiences are the same, so one should not be prized over another.

I have to say that Spirit has just been a champion for me through all of this. My loved ones, Guides & Angels really sprang into action, and were quick to not only come to my side, but to also show me that, yeah, they were there for me 100%.   My trust and faith in them was rewarded to the point that, even to write about it now, it brings tears to my eyes. It warms my heart to know that all of the hard work I've done to put complete and total trust in those on the Higher Plane was worth it.

Now...if I could find a way to continue this lesson on the Earth Plane without bridges collapsing, that would be fabulous. lol   Seriously, I realize now that this particular bridge had to collapse. I walked back and forth across it way too often. I knew every detail, down to which pieces to avoid so that I didn't get any splinters (I walk my path barefooted lol).   This bridge had become more of a crutch rather than the means to cross from one point on my happy yellow brick road to another point. I walked over it repeatedly, eyes closed, not bothering to trust anything else.

That cannot happen again. Never, ever again

Having realized this, I am slowly moving forward on my path again. It's not easy and I'm being incredibly cautious; without accidentally putting up walls between me and other folks. Walls aren't good, and I don't want to hide behind them anymore.

I think I'm on the final step of this phase of the lesson; which is Release. I'm working on it ;o) and I know that it's probably a lot easier than I think it is. lol    Might be time to call in some Archangels to help.

Is it wrong that I am fascinated and totally enamored with quite a few of the Archangels?? LMAO

Anyway, here I go again...time to finish with this part of the lesson and move on to another one. I think I get a new lesson to learn every 3 minutes, so I'm way behind. :o)   But, what I really wanted to get across was this: hold fast to your truth and trust in yourself. Let no one else take that away from you. No one else has that right.

Peace.

Calendar: Day With Spirit, 9/25/10

2010-09-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

Every Fall and Spring, The First Spiritualist Church of Quincy invites a host of Mediums, Healers, Astrologers, Spirit Artists, Card Readers, Angel and Animal Communicators (along with a host of other talented folks) for an entire Day with Spirit.

It's our most popular event, and as a member of the Church, I never miss this Day. I'll be there tomorrow giving messages. So feel free to stop on by! It's a great day--and you'll get to meet and spend time with some very beautiful, highly talented folks.

We start at 10am and go until 4pm. Click over to the Church's website, the Events page has all the info!! :O)

All proceeds go to the Church's Restoration Fund.

Names

2010-09-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

So, after a short break from blogging (which I didn't really need, but took anyway lol), I thought it best to come back and post again. I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about this site. :O)

Today's topic of discussion is brought to you by the letters W, T & F.

That was my exclamation a couple of minutes ago when I realized that I'm utterly confused about something that's been happening for a very long time. I don't really remember all of the exact reasons for why it's happening either...and I'm not certain how to change it (or if I even want to).   But, I realized that it could be perceived as a hurdle on my path and I have enough of those already. HA

My confusion centers around just exactly how many names I have.

This morning, I ran into an old friend from a previous church who addressed me as "Shadow," which is what everyone called me at that church.   And, yet another friend addressed me as "Jaz" on Facebook yesterday; which I didn't see until this morning. Mom called me "Dear" this morning--twice.   So, this begs the question: who am I?

My Grandma named me Leslie Anne when I was born. She named me after Lesley Ann Warren; who starred in Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella somewhere around the time I entered the world. Mom argued, of course, but to no avail. So, instead, Mom tacked an 'e' on the end of my middle name.   My first name was a source of constant torture all throughout school, so I really came to hate it and any version of it.

In high school, I adopted my penname of KJ Hamilton. I've explained this before on Facebook, but here we go again. lol   K stands for Kendra, a name of a character based on me written by my friend, Cricket. J stands for Jasmine, the name of another character based on me written by another friend, Jolene. Hamilton is a reminder for me that I am strong, confident and independent--in spite of the people who try and tear me down. Everything I've ever written--with the exception of the article that The Boston Globe published--has been written under my penname. I like it very much and I'm not about to give it up :O)

When I started college, I guess I thought it was cool for people to call me by a nickname--Jaz, which was supposed to be short for Jasmine (the J initial in my penname).   I started off my advanced education at a little college in Kentucky, and although I knew a lot of folks, I had a very small circle of friends--all of whom still call me Jaz to this day. Awesome.

Before I transferred to the University of Kentucky, I went through a naming ceremony with the United Eastern Lenope Nation in Tennessee. I was named Dark Shadow (no, it wasn't after the TV show lol). This was the day when the Internet was relatively new and I'd been burned by way too many people already. So, I used half of my Native name as my identity on the Internet. So, I had a lot of friends who called me Shadow, and that was my nickname for almost 10 years.   I separated a while ago from most of the people who used to call me by it, and I'm quite out of practice answering to it. Even this morning when my friend rode past me on his bicycle and said "Hi Shadow!" I was like "who?" lol

If I'm in a circle of writers or even strangers on the Internet--I introduce myself as KJ.   If I'm in a circle of Mediums or with my close friends and family, I'm Leslie.    And even though I answer to the other nicknames (even Shadow, as it is my Native name, you know), I rarely use them anymore.

Let me say it again: W T F ?

I think I have a self-imposed identity crisis.  I think I've had one since I was about 9 years old. So, how do I solve it? Hmm...I think I have an idea....
____________________________________________

To all of the people in my life who have prejudged me, ridiculed me, berated me, tortured me, abused me and otherwise made my life up until now a living hell:   I reclaim the power and control that you had over me. It is mine, you can no longer keep it. I release all of the things from my past that no longer serve me--and that includes every single one of you. I love myself enough to know that I deserve better than the memories you have given me. And, I hope that, one day soon all of you will realize that the only answer--the only path, the only way--is Love. I hope you receive better than what you've given to me.
So be it.

___________________________________________

Now, I no longer have a need to hate my name. Doesn't mean that I'll give up any of the nicknames or my penname--but at least I don't have to hide from my name anymore. Feels pretty good not to hide. :O)

I asked this question earlier: who am I?   How do I define myself? Simple: peace and love, baby. That's all that matters. Anything else is ego, and I'm not interested in that.   Well....except one simple plug---GO VEGGIE! :O)   That's pretty important.    Hmm...perhaps the next entry will be one that contains my biography. That could be interestingly mind-numbing. LMAO   In all seriousness, though, it's not a half bad idea. My actual bio would be difficult to write, but it could also be quite freeing....
Definitely something to ponder.
:O)

On-i-set Wigwam

2010-09-02T05:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'll be a part of the gallery demonstration at the On-i-set Wigwam.

I love the energy at the Wigwam. I don't know that there are even words to describe it. It's calming and powerful at the same time. I also think that it's something everyone should experience at least once for themselves.

So, come on down to the Wigwam--it will be an amazing time. I hear there are some pretty amazing mediums on. ;o)

September: Continued

2010-09-01T06:52:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, you can click on the email addy at the bottom of the page to send a question, comment, request, or a query for a reading. ;o)

I am an extremely difficult person to surprise. Why? Because I usually have no problem figuring out what's going on. Try as I might not to know, I just can't help it. So, it's a concerted act of extreme coordination with everyone on this plane (as well as my folks and the Board on the Higher Plane) in order to surprise me. It has been known to happen, but it's rare. ;o)

Having said that, I received the surprise of my life yesterday.

Yesterday morning, I received an email from Guitar Center telling me that my order had been processed. The thing that immediately concerned me was that I've never ordered anything from Guitar Center. I opened the email, expecting to have to call them to fight over who stole my credit card info, and was shocked to see that the purchaser's address belonged to my brother, Steve. So, then I was like "Whaaa?" I clicked on the link in the description to see what was ordered and I immediately started to cry. My brother gifted me a left-handed Hofner Beatle bass.

This is exactly what the guitar looks like (I took the image off the Guitar Center website lol). I have wanted one of these since...well...since...FOREVER! lol   At least since I was like 9 or 10....so, we're talking a decades-long dream here that has actually been fulfilled.

My bass guitar has arrived in Watertown, MA as of this morning and will be at the Guitar Center this afternoon so I can pick it up. I guess now I either have to remember how to play the bass--or find someone to give me lessons.

The point of my blog last night was to CELEBRATE myself this year. And, now I get the other reason why I drew that conclusion. I felt like I wanted to keep writing, but the words wouldn't come. So, here we go:

My Guides and loved ones on the Higher Plane (as well as a few friends and family members on this plane lol) have been encouraging me for years to get back into music. At one time, music was a huge part of my life--actually, it was my ENTIRE life. And one day I just stopped doing it. (Ok, yeah, there's a lot more to it than that, but I literally just gave everything up.)
I stopped singing, playing piano (and any other instrument), and really resided myself to just listening to whatever music struck me in the moment.

That was until a month ago. I bought a keyboard almost three years ago, and really didn't practice much. But, I felt that it was time to start really breaking out of this self-imposed musical exile of mine--in other words, I finally decided to listen to what I've been told. Yeah, I told you, I'm stubborn. ;o)   And two weeks ago, I played the piano in public for the first time in nearly two decades. Two decades. Wow, I just thought about that--that's a lot of time wasted being afraid, you know?   Granted, I sounded like I was playing in my 4th grade piano recital (nowhere near the calibur of play that I used to do--yet!!), but still I got up there and did it.

And now, today I am going to pick up my lovely brand new Macca bass guitar. Imagine it, my very first left-handed guitar. I might actually be able to play this one pretty well. lol   Yep...lessons...necessary...
Of course, my brother is the Bassman in our family. He's been playing since he was like, what, 10 years old, I think? Something like that. BUT, I am excited as hell about this bass. It's yet another huge sign that I need to get off my ass and get to playin' music again.

How do I know it's a sign? Because every single person who knew--and I know all my folks on the Higher Plane HAD to know--managed to keep it a secret. Not one of them even gave me a clue. That's how I know this is an important sign.

I can't wait to pick it up this afternoon!!!!!!!!

Lesson for today: Man, I hate lessons lol But, the lesson for today is this: accept the wonderful things that are given to you with love and gratitude. Oh, and listen when you're told something. General rule of thumb is: if you hear the same thing from at least 3 different people--PAY ATTENTION. That's Spirit trying to get your attention.

Other lesson for the day: Little brothers aren't half bad. ;o)
Mine actually R O C K S! :O)

September...

2010-08-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, you can click on the email addy at the bottom of the page to send a question, comment, request, or a query for a reading. ;o)

I'm kinda diggin' the idea of this site being a blog, though. Could be quite interesting.... ;o)

So, the idea of posting on here everyday kinda got off to a slow start. I've toyed with the idea of insisting upon my own punishment (eg: time outs, taking away my Facebook, forcing myself to Twitter all bloody day long lol), but I'm not sure that it will actually stick. I'm a pretty stubborn person.

September is coming and it looks like this one will come in with gale force--almost literally. Hurricane Earl is expected to hit somewhere off New England on Friday. A hurricane? Seriously? If the idea wasn't so AHHHHHH, I'd actually be a little excited.   Casualty of working with disaster relief--you really get to see up close and personal the aftermath of Mother Nature when she's on the Warpath.    (And, who can blame her for being quite pissed off right now, you know? We fill her full of toxins, garbage and oil and expect her to be ok with that. WTF?) Not thrilled with the prospect of having to evacuate. Not awesome. I probably will just hunker down and strap myself in. ;o)

But, to be honest, I began to wonder if the Universe was trying to give me a big sign. Sending a hurricane my way around my birthday is a big sign--you know, if you're into signs; which I totally am. It's not a selfish thing, though, it's actually me trying to see the bigger picture and relate it the best way I know how to my own spiritual path & experience.   But, this sign, is like a gigantic, you-can-see-it-from-space, flashing neon sign that can't--and shouldn't be--ignored. What could I possibly learn from this?

It took me all day to figure it out. (I'm a little slow sometimes, lol) It wasn't that I should stop acknowledging the day of my birth, or even how old I truly am. Nope, the lesson in this for me was that significant change is a good thing, and the significant change for me this year is to C E L E B R A T E myself. Yep, that's right, celebrate. (Insert Kool & the Gang song here)

No more pretending my birthday doesn't matter, no more lying about my age. Of course, there are 2 reasons I lie about my age: 1: I can totally get away with it thanks to my handy dandy awesome DNA. 2: I'm sick and tired of being made to feel like an old maid because I'm not married and I don't have children at this stage in my life.    No more. I will no longer allow myself to feel old. Instead, I will consider myself lucky and blessed to have the things I do have; and when people ask me that damned, "So, when are you getting married?" question, I will smile and say, "Whenever I want to, IF I want to."

A major, Cat 4 hurricane, as Earl currently is, causes pretty extensive damage. On a much smaller scale, so do thoughts, actions, words, looks...the list goes on forever. I'm releasing all that negative energy and all of the hurtful words that have been projected on me (behind my back and to my face). I no longer need it. I am happy with myself, comfortable in my own skin. Approval is not required, though Acceptance would be totally awesome.

I never thought I'd actually say any of this out loud. Ok, so I haven't actually said it, I've only written it. So what...words are very powerful things, and they have the energy behind them to affect all kinds of change, both good and bad. Choose your words carefully. Be mindful of the ideals you drill into the minds of others. An independent, forthright woman is acceptable at any age. What's that old saying, "Behind every great man is a woman guiding him" something like that, it just came into my mind. Yeah, right. I wanna be in the forefront, not standing behind someone and waiting for my turn.

So, the lesson for today: significant change is necessary in order to forge our way forward on our own personal paths. Sometimes, it takes a hurricane a'comin' to make me stop and truly think about what lessons I could possibly learn. Why? I just plain hate learning lessons. I need a break. lol

Oh...and I hope that the hurricane stays out to sea. No more destruction and damage. Even though I don't blame Mama Earth for being like majorly peeved. Love, light and prayers go out to All.

Peace.

An Idea...

2010-08-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

First of all: welcome to the new website, new page, new design and new idea. I'm actually quite excited about this. I premiered BluePhoenixRising.com back in June, but I wasn't quite pleased with the finished result. So, now, here we are...I've moved everything into a blog format; which means this page will be updated a lot more than usual. This should be fun.

So, what's this site all about? Well, it is a site to offer connections to the Higher Plane, that's true. I do offer those (and you can click on the Services tab to see exactly the things that I do). But, I took a class at MedSpa New England a couple of days ago, during which I got a reading that just really--well, I don't know. I still don't get a lot of what was said. But, the one thing that I do remember is that I was told that I needed to blog. So, Laura, here you go, I'm blogging. Now, I just have to figure out what to blog about. ;o)

You know that saying, "My life is an open book" ? It's been running through my head on repeat all day. I think I will take it as a cue. The current goal is to blog every day about what's going on in my spiritual path. Should be quite interesting. More is to come....
Peace.